I don't mean that God struggles Himself. I mean that there are times when I struggle with God.
There are certain things about God's character that sometimes confuse me, sometimes instill fear, and almost always leave me with my jaw dropped open in utter amazement. And there have been times when I have felt so loved by Him that I have no words. Other spans of time have felt like I've been in a desert - alone.
I know God is real.
Creation screams it! I was having this talk with my oldest daughter about stars and cells. She's in high school and someone had said to her if there really was a God, why didn't He write His name in the stars, or put it in the cells that are the very building blocks of life. But for me, the intricacies of how a cell works and grows, and the vastness of the stars in the universe is what makes me know that God has left His mark right in front of our faces.
So there's my foundation - there is a God. The next question I have to ask is, "does He care about people," and more personally, "does He care about me?" If I take my thoughts about seeing God in creation a little further, I think I can determine that He really does care about people because it seems that everything on this earth is perfectly orchestrated for our existence. From the mixture of gasses in the air, to the production of food from plants and the abundance of water and the water cycle! (of which my middle daughter has recently studied) All of this seems to have been put in place just for us.
Okay, so He cares for people.
Now comes the personal part. Does He really care for me? My life? My thoughts, dreams and plans? Does He really have a purpose for me - a goal? Is there a specific career He wants me in? A plan for where I should live? Does it matter to Him what I have for dinner?
Or are we simply His personal ant farm that He enjoyed putting together? And now we just hang here in space waiting for Him to glance over every once in a while. Does He care what ultimately happens to this multitude of ant-people scurrying around this earth? Or how about me, this single ant-man, who has a big heart and an open mind that wants to know his purpose and his Creator?
The entire Bible works together to present a case that God is a personal God. The first half tells of the many people who had personal interactions with God. They heard Him, saw His hand move and do miracles right before their eyes. The second half of the Bible shows how God came to earth and walked around with other people in the person of Jesus Christ. People saw Him and interacted with Him and were touched by Him. AMAZING!
I believe the Bible to be true. So how do these witnesses from so long ago speak to me? I can tell you I sure do wish I could touch Jesus and hear Him speak, or have God lead me by a big smoke-cloud thingy by day and a huge flame by night. But the fact is, I can't see Him or hear Him. I used to think I could feel Him. But even that feeling comes and goes.
So, it comes down to faith. Faith in a God that I cannot always sense, and definitely can't explain. Faith that He cares for me personally and wants to take my burdens and to love me. Faith that He wants me to obey Him. Faith that the Bible IS true.
I pray often for God to help my unbelief.
I pray for faith.
I'm not nearly done writing about this. But this is enough for now.
God, help my faith in You.