To Blog or Not To Blog...

Yes, I know, I haven't blogged in what... over 6 months?  Geesh, how time flies.

But I have a good reason.  And it's a very personal reason.

When words come out of my mouth (or from my laptop), I want them to be honest and truthful.  And to be honest and truthful with you, I haven't had much good to say.  So, in remembering the old adage, I haven't said anything at all.

God's working with me.  At least I hope He is.

If you read my last post, you know I've turned 40 years old.  *Dude! That feels and sounds so old!*  It's hit me a lot harder than I had expected.  Thoughts like, my life is half over!, and, have I done what I am supposed to do with my life?, have come pounding on my brain like golf ball sized hail.  These simple (but profound) thoughts lead me to other questions of "who am I?", "who has God made me to be?", and "am I living out my life the way God intended?"

Then come the thoughts of Dude, you're 40!  you should have this figured out by now!

But I don't.  And I'm finding out more and more that there's lots of us who don't.  We just pretend we do.  Especially in the church.

I'm looking at my bulletin board that I have hanging right over my desk at work.  Hanging on it are pictures of my family, a BUNCH of pictures that my daughters have drawn for me, and several scraps of paper with scripture from the Bible on them. I've put these notes up to remind me what's important, and who's important.  One scripture says,

"You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;  My God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28

Another note simply says, "Remain in me" - John 15  (that's a good chapter of the Bible - actually, the whole book is great - check it out)

Then I've got another note that I just put up there today.  It's a quote that was on another blogger's website that my wife led me to today.  It says,

"Alas for those who never sing, but die with all their music in them." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Personally, I've done a lot of singing.  It's my job.  But I'm learning more and more that I haven't been singing the music that's in me.  It's mostly been songs that belong to others.  But that's changing.

The site/blogger that I was perusing when I came across the quote was http://www.garymorland.com/ and I look forward to reading more from him.

Anyway, those are the thoughts rumbling through my head today.  So I'm going to try to sing out the true music that's in me - maybe others will sing, too.  I bet God would enjoy hearing that choir.

40th Birthday at EPCOT with FOOD

Well, here I am.

It's my birthday today.

I'm officially 40.

But, in the words of my favorite Disney character, Crush from Finding Nemo...

Crush finally gets his spotlight at
the Art of Animation resort

"...40, Dude! and Still Young!"

I know, I know, the actual line is "150, Dude!..."
but I'm not that old - yet.

To celebrate this momentous occasion my wife, Cindy, and I drove down to Florida to spend a full day (almost 14 hours! - whew!) at Walt Disney World's EPCOT.  And this was our first time experiencing the Food and Wine Festival - Bonus!  For us, emphasis was on the FOOD part, although there were plenty of people there focusing on the other part.

So, keep reading if you want to know what we saw and ate! This is really a travel journal - mostly so I can remember what we did.  I am getting old, ya know.





After changing the day we had planned on going to EPCOT to dodge hurricane Sandy winds, we ended up being at the park on Saturday, October 27.

Me and my bride!

We got to the ticket booth right at 9 a.m. - exactly the time the park was scheduled to open.  After getting our picture taken, we made a bee-line to "Soarin'," which is a fantastic ride in which you "fly" over scenes from our home state of California.  It's an incredible experience!

Then we waited about 5 minutes (unheard of!) to get our picture with Mickey, Minnie and Pluto.  Minnie kissed me!






We were really here to experience World Showcase, but that side of the park didn't open until 11, so we still had time to go over and explore Innoventions and ride "Spaceship Earth."  We then went over to the Food and Wine Festival center which is in the old Wonders of Life Pavilion.  After getting a little book which included descriptions of all the foods which were to be served in World Showcase and where to find them, we went to the chocolate exhibit, sponsored by Ghiradelli (we really only went for the free chocolate/caramel square) and were wowed by the sculptures made out of chocolate!  With more time to spare, we went and rode "Mission: Space."  It's a really cool simulator ride that takes you to Mars.  Being the "old" people we are, we rode the tame version.

Alright, now we get to the good stuff...

World showcase opened - and this is what we had come for!  We wanted to see all the nooks and crannies of the different countries.  So we headed to Canada.  Along the way we passed a few of the food kiosks.  The lines were a little long, so we passed them by (don't do this, by the way - 1st lesson of the day - if you see something you want, stop NOW and get it!).  Canada is beautiful - we've actually been to the real Canada - and we saw the movie.  Martin Short is great!

Next was the United Kingdom pavilion.  We love the winding street and garden in the back.  We also got to see Alice (in Wonderland) and Mary Poppins.

first food!

Following the promenade around to the France pavilion, we were now really ready for some food!  We knew we wanted to skip the escargot from the France kiosk but wanted to come back for (but not start with) the creme Brulee.  So we walked on to the New Zealand kiosk and got the scallop.  Great first tasting!

Seared Sea Scallop with Kumara - Red Curry Puree and
Apple Radish Salad - New Zealand

Still hungry - goal for the day was to stay hungry - we walked to the Singapore kiosk and experienced the Beef Rendang (spicy! - and one of our least favorite of the day, but still tasty) and the Mahi Mahi - (delicious)!!

Seared Mahi Mahi with Jasmine Rice and
"Singa" Sauce - Singapore

Beef Rendang with Jasmine Rice - Singapore

We sat down in the Morocco pavilion to enjoy these tasty treats.

Now we were ready for the creme brulee.  But, alas, the line was really long! So we went up into the France pavilion and watched "Impressions de France," a beautiful film with a beautiful score.  We'd love to go there someday!

Coming out of the movie, we followed the rest of the crowd over to the French pastry shop.  The crowd was getting thicker, so we abandoned the pastry shop idea (but the treats coming out of there looked super scrumptious) and got in the long line for creme brulee.  I'm sooooo glad we did!  The line moved incredibly quick.  I don't think we waited more than five minutes (2nd lesson learned - the kiosk lines really move fast!).  And this little taste of France was my absolute favorite for the entire day!

Creme Brulee au Chocolat au Lait (Chocolate Milk Creme Brulee Topped with Caramelized Sugar) Mmmmm

On to the Japan pavilion where we got to see the Japanese Taiko drummers, "Matsuriza," and I couldn't resist picking up a California roll at the Japan kiosk.

California Roll (Avocado, Cucumber, Crab,
Mayonnaise, Smelt Roe rolled in Sushi Rice and Seaweed)
Pink stuff - Ginger   Green stuff - Wasabi (very mild Wasabi)
I know this isn't anything out of the ordinary - but it sure was good!!

Walking along the promenade, the next pavilion you come to is The American Adventure.  There's a wonderful show here, of the same name, that includes Audio Animatronics and music that is incredible.  We didn't eat anything here (although the offerings sounded really good) or at the next pavilion for Italy.  The architecture in Italy is gorgeous!

The next thing we ate was from a store that I've been dreaming about for a few weeks now, the "Karamell-Kuche" (Caramel Kitchen)!  Everything caramel - popcorn, apples, pretzels - almost anything you'd want dipped or smothered in caramel!  We had a dark chocolate covered caramel with sea salt.  This was one of the best things I've ever put in my mouth (besides the creme brulee from earlier of course)!

Caramel.  Yes.  Please.

Cheese Fondue with Sourdough Bread

Our next destination was the Cheese Kiosk where we experienced the surprising Cheese Fondue.  Surprising because I think there was a bit more alcohol in the fondue than cheese!  The thing was heavily spiked!  I don't think even a little bit "cooked off."  It was good - but very unexpected!

China was next.  We were looking forward to China because our 5 year old is in a "partial immersion" kindergarten class.  This means half of her day is spent learning language arts and social studies in English and the other half is spent learning math and science - in Mandarin (Chinese)!  We watched the China movie (another incredible 360 movie - like Canada), and went shopping for our darling.

The crowds were really heavy now, so we headed back to Future World to escape all the people.  It was also time for a rest - and some "normal" food.  So we got a salted pretzel, some good ol' processed dipping cheese, and a coke.  Then we slipped our shoes off and people watched for a while.

After a good rest, we still wanted to avoid crowds, so we went to the Universe of Energy pavilion.  The coolest thing about this show/ride is the ride vehicle itself.  You start off sitting in a big theater, and eventually the entire seating area rotates and then breaks apart into six sections and moves through a "dark ride" type experience with dinosaurs.  The worst thing about the ride is when it states "the Big Bang" theory as fact.  Bummer.

Still not completely hungry yet, we shopped for a bit and then went back over to the Land pavilion and rode the "Living with the Land" boat voyage.  This is another of those "boring" things we might skip with the kids, but we really get a kick out of seeing the unique ways of growing food.  It's now about 7:00 p.m. which means most of Future World is closing, so we go back to China to get some yummy chicken.

Chicken Satay with Spiced Peanut Sauce and Pickled vegetables

After going to Mexico to ride the boat with Donald Duck, then going to Norway to ride the boat with the vikings, we scoped out a spot to sit and watch the night-time show "IllumiNations."  While waiting, I left Cindy to save our spot and went to bring back a Mocha Latte and a few treats from the Mexico kiosk - shrimp tacos and flan.  I'm a fan of flan!

Crispy Shrimp Taco (with Chipotle-lime Mayo, and
Cabbage served on a flour tortilla)

Flan de Cajeta (Caramel Custard with Caramel Sauce)
Mine had no sauce - but it was still delicious!

We finished out the night watching "IllumiNations" and waddled back to our car.  It was an awesome day and a perfect birthday celebration!  A dream come true - just the two of us experiencing EPCOT together.

Oh yeah, the next day, I finally got this...

My Disney Secrets

I've got a secret.

It's not a big secret at my own house, but it is one that I don't broadcast to the whole world.  Until now.

I am a HUGE Mickey Mouse fan.  But not just a fan of the mouse - really all things Disney.

Favorite classic Disney movie - Peter Pan
Favorite character - Mickey Mouse
    (Favorite current character - Crush - the sea turtle from "Finding Nemo" - for whom there is a grave
       shortage of merchandise!)
Favorite Disney park ride - Splash Mountain

This weekend my wife and I are heading down to Walt Disney World for a day at EPCOT to celebrate my 40th birthday.  So right now I feel like a kid again anticipating this weekend of Disney magic.  Yep, we're going without our children, which makes us feel a little guilty, but we're getting over that guilt by telling them "oh, we're just going to do the adult boring stuff" (knowing full well that even the adult boring stuff is SO much fun!).  We've been to EPCOT a few times before, but we're really looking forward to exploring the World Showcase pavilions at our leisure - stopping in the shops and seeing the shows.  Oh yeah, and eating - it's the Food and Wine Festival right now, woohoo!

I was born in Southern California, about 45 minutes away from Disneyland.  My parents were fans, and I had an aunt that actually worked in Disneyland!  I don't remember exactly what she did, but I do remember her taking me there.  Once, she took me on a rainy day and my shoes and socks got totally soaked.  She bought me new socks with Mickey on them!  I vividly remember sitting in "America Sings" excitedly putting on my new socks.  I also have memories of Dad singing "There was blood on the saddle" from the Country Bear Jamboree - I know it's a little morbid, but it made me laugh (still does!).

After moving away from California I kept studying the map of Disneyland and the picture books I had.  I knew every attraction and could sing every song.  We still had Grandparents who lived in So. Cal., so we still got to visit every so often.

Fast forward several years, and I came back to California for college.  Once again, I was close to the happiest place on earth!  After college, my wife, Cindy, and I had annual passes to Disneyland for four years.  We knew every bit of the park!  One of these years Cindy and I were both teaching grade school.  I remember taking some of our students work to the park to grade.  We sat at one of the outdoor tables on Main Street and graded papers while watching a parade.  Our students got really good grades on that work!!

Our first child, Julie, was born during this time.  Her first visit was when she was only 3 weeks old!  We moved to Texas when she was 9 months old, but she was already a Disneyland veteran having been at least 11 times.

yeah, I know what you're thinking - that a mouse's nose is a great, clean chew toy for a baby - we obviously thought so...

I think I could still be a pretty awesome tour guide for the Disneyland park - it's etched in my brain!


Oh, and I almost forgot!! - I got to take my turn as a cast member for Disney while in California.  It wasn't at the park, but at The Disney Store in the mall in Riverside.  I loved it!  And I got a few free park passes while there, too - bonus!

Cindy and I now have three princesses of our own - age 15, 8, and 5.  We've taken a trip to Walt Disney World each time one of them was turning 5.  So we've made some pretty spectacular Disney geeks out of them, too!  Now I usually get my Disney fix by listening to podcasts about the parks.  My favorites right now are Lou Mongello's WDW Radio and Ricky Brigante's Inside the Magic.  And being a musician, about a third of the music that is on my iPhone is related to Disney.  My favorite tracks right now are from "Spaceship Earth" and "Soarin'" in EPCOT, but my all time favorite park music is "Fantasmic" (which I got to see the week it premiered!).

A tape I've held onto since childhood (date on the tape is 1980).  Still love it!  Haunted Mansion still makes me cringe a little, and America Sings makes me smile!

So, my secret's out.  And I'm sure I'll write more about it in the future, especially after this weekend...

"Have a magical day!"

Dragon skin and Lions

One of my favorite scenes in ALL the books I've read is found in C.S. Lewis's The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - the third book in his Chronicles of Narnia.  If you've seen the movie, you'll notice that the scene in the book plays out a little differently...

It takes place when the boy Eustace, a whiny little annoyance, leaves his traveling companions because he refuses to help them work.  They're all on an island, and Eustace decides to go explore.  He happens upon a cave which turns out to be the lair of a dragon, complete with an obscene amount of treasure.  Being the selfish boy he is, he tries to figure out a way that he can keep all the treasure for himself.  In the midst of his daydreams, he puts on a gold bracelet, gathers treasure to himself, and falls asleep.  When he awakes, he finds he has turned into a dragon.

Eustace tries desperately to get back to his companions and communicate with them.  Finally, he does convince them of who he is.  For the next several days, he finds himself making real friends and actually helping with the work that has to be done - but he's still a dragon.  He is scared that he will remain a dragon forever.  He enjoys being big, and the ability to fly, but the bracelet that he put on when he was a normal boy size is now cutting into the flesh of his huge dragon arm.

It's not until Aslan the lion comes that Eustace escapes his pain - both physically and emotionally.  Aslan leads him to a well and then tells him to wash in the well.  Aslan also tells him that he must undress before washing.  Eustace thinks he means shedding his skin like a snake, so he starts scratching at himself, and his skin peels off.  He feels better and goes to the well, but he sees in the reflection that he's still just as rough and scaly as before.  So he starts scratching again.  He sheds his skin twice more, and then the lion says he will help.  It hurts.  Aslan claws through several layers of skin, ripping it off.  Eustace is now feeling raw and tender all over.  In the midst of the clawing, Eustace wonders if he has done the right thing because this hurts much more than the pain of the bracelet.  Aslan then picks Eustace up and throws him into the well.  The water hurts at first, but then feels wonderful.  The pain in his arm is gone, and he realizes he is a boy again.  Then Aslan dresses him in human clothes.

If you've read any of The Chronicles of Narnia, you know that Aslan is a representation of God, of Jesus.  This scene of Eustace as a dragon, to me, speaks of my sin problem.  None of us escape our sinful nature on our own.  Sin envelops us, brings us pleasure - then great pain.  We keep returning to it, then try to get out of it on our own.  It's not until we allow Jesus to forgive us and help us change that we can truly have relief.  It hurts and the scars will always remain.  But knowing His forgiveness is the most wonderful and refreshing feeling in all the world.

Go read the book!  It's much better than what I've described (and way better than the movie)!

The Music Man

Cue Orchestra

Curtain!

I was made to make music.  It's pretty much all I want to do.  All of my hobbies incorporate music in some way.  Even when I'm watching a movie I am fully aware of the score.  I am blessed that I have a job in which I get to make music for the purpose of praising God!

My Dad was a voice major in college, and Mom was a flute major.  I was born when they were still in college and constantly performing, so even when I was in the womb I was onstage!

I was a band geek first.  It started in Jr. High school in Anchorage, Alaska.  I played the Baritone horn because I had braces at the time and the director said it would be better for me since it has a larger mouthpiece (I think he just needed a Baritone player).  All through High School I played - and I was pretty good!  We were in Alaska, so we didn't march much - usually just once a year for the Fur Rendevous parade in February.  Yes, in the middle of winter!  There was a rule that we weren't allowed to march if it got below zero degrees.  There were 2 years we didn't march because of this.  But the two times I did get to march were great - we played the "Frozen Valve March" our band director had written, and we couldn't feel our toes by the time we got back on the bus.  My senior year I started getting bored with the instrument (a lot of "oom-pah" parts), so I picked up the French Horn and played that for the last half of the year.  I continued playing horn for a few years in college, but then I had to settle on one instrument, and I chose piano - more about that another time...

As I said, I was a band geek first, but in High School, I became a choir nerd as well.
(I'm the first guy on the left - Cindy is the tall beauty!)
I also got involved with the drama department.  Yep, most of my high school time was spent on the arts wing of the school.  I remember being so excited about being a part of the production of "South Pacific."  Want to know what I did?...  I pulled curtains!  It was actually more involved than you might think (yeah, right).  There were several scene changes that had half curtains, or the back curtains would be closed.  I was important (or at least I thought I was!) - and I did the smoothest curtain openings of anyone I know!

The next year I was actually in the cast of "Hello Dolly." That was a blast!  I was a waiter/townsperson/knife seller.  The waiters did a lot of dancing and stunts - and we were good!
My senior year was when my wife, Cindy, came to Alaska and we got to be in the cast of "Oliver" together.  She played a barmaid that I got to dance with in the big "Oom-pah-pah" number. We've got great memories!

Since I'm on the theater track, I'll stay on it a little longer...
In college (California Baptist College in Riverside) I was a music major with an emphasis in piano, but I did some theater classes and got to be in several shows including "The Diary of Anne Frank," and also the musical "Smoke on the Mountain."   Years later I helped direct the music for the college's production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat."  Just after college I directed the music for the Riverside Children's Theater's "Disney Musical Revue."  We had over 200 kids involved in that one!  A year later, I had a chance to help direct a youth production of "Lil' Abner," but we don't talk about that one any more - painful.

Zoom ahead several years and to the other coast.  There were three wonderful summers in Sumter, South Carolina, that I got to be a part of three great shows produced by the Sumter Little Theater.  The first was "Oklahoma!"  I was Will Parker and got to sing the great Rodgers and Hammerstein's songs, "Kansas City" and "All 'Er Nothin'."  We had an incredible cast, and it was an experience that I wanted to repeat again and again.   (in case you couldn't tell, I'm the cowboy)

A few years later I did get to repeat the experience!...  in "The Music Man."  This time I was the lead, Harold Hill (aka "the music man"), and I felt like I had scored the role of a lifetime.  I know this is just community theater, but I love the stage, and I was having a ball!

For the third show, "Fiddler on the Roof," I was in a busier time of life, and couldn't take on a lead role.  But I enjoyed being a townsperson/Russian - and I got to be a part of the iconic bottle dance, and yes, we really did balance the bottles on our heads! (I'm all the way to the right, with the chin/lip fuzz)




Now my family and I reside in Columbia, SC, and are enjoying getting to know the arts community here.  We're huge broadway buffs, and go to see shows whenever we can!

I sometimes wish life were a bit more like a musical.  We all need to break out in song every once and a while.  I'm approaching the magical age of 40, which means I'm about to begin my second act of life.  I guess the great thing is that I know I've got a happy ending coming.  But between now and then, I want to make some beautiful music.

The Better Part of Me

Yep.  That's me.  My middle daughter just asked if that was me - and then she giggled.  Yeah, I was a little chunk at that time.  I was born in an era when my Mom had been reading about "natural" formula - she made it herself.  The recipe included black strap molasses.   I loved it.  Obviously.

I thought I might write a little about me personally (I guess that goes without saying, since that is the purpose of a blog).  Recently I took one of those personality tests.  It came out differently than I expected and it got me thinking about who I really am.  My wife says now that I've gotten older, I'm willing to be a little more honest.  I agree.







Speaking of my wife...

This is Cindy, the love of my life, my main squeeze, the cat's meow, my Queen.  We met in high school in Anchorage, Alaska.  In the pic we're at Portage Glacier, a glacier park close to Anchorage.  Yeah, this picture is old (even taken with film!).

Our love story (in short)...
I love Cindy.  The first time I met her, I knew she was someone I wanted to spend time with.  We shared a love for music, family, and God.  Her smile made me weak at the knees.  It took me six months to get up the nerve to ask her to be my girlfriend.  We first held hands at a performance of an opera, "Die Fledermaus," that our high school choral director was in.  I don't remember much about the opera!

We met in our senior year of high school, so we both had already chosen our colleges.  When we graduated, she went off to Winthrop College in Rock Hill, SC, and I traveled to sunny Southern California to California Baptist College in Riverside.  We both LOVED college.  We also kept our long-distance relationship going, using that antiquated mode of communication - letter writing (also about once or twice a week we got to talk on the dorm hall phones, nice!).  In the middle of our sophomore year of college, when we were home for Christmas break, I proposed!  That's a fun story, too - it involved ice skating, a fake fall, and a very nervous boy (me - and I was just a boy - 19 years old!), and she said yes!!


This pic was right after the proposal.  We got to spend the rest of the day together, including going to the movies to see "The Father of the Bride" with Steve Martin.  Still love the movie!!

Then came the agonizing decision of who was going to switch colleges (and coasts).  It was extremely hard.  We both had made great friends and LOVED the colleges we were at.  After many prayers, conversations and tears, Cindy came to California.  And we continued to LOVE college together!

We got married in Anchorage between our 3rd and 4th years of college.  It actually made me a better student.  After graduating, we stayed in Riverside, California doing several jobs...  Cindy was an incredible 3rd grade teacher at Riverside Christian Day School (an awesome school, btw).  I taught piano and directed small vocal ensembles at CBC, became minister of music at two different churches (not at the same time, duh), and also spent some time as a cast member at the Disney Store - I'm a major Disney geek, which I'm sure we'll talk about later on...

It's time to wrap up this entry, so...
1997 - Julie (first daughter) is born!
1998 - move to Fort Worth, Texas for Seminary
2001 - move to Hillsboro, Texas to become full-time minister of music/education at Central Baptist Church
2003 - move to Sumter, South Carolina to be Assoc. Pastor of Worship at First Baptist Church
2004 - Jenna (second daughter) is born!
2007 - Jillian (third daughter) is born!
2011 - move to Lexington, South Carolina to be Music Pastor at Trinity Baptist Church in Cayce, SC.

This blog started as I was contemplating who I am, but it turned out to be more about my love affair with my wife than I expected.  I guess that's okay.  She's the better part of me anyway.  All you ladies can go ahead and say, "awww."  Guys, sorry.  But, I love my Babe, and am so grateful she's mine!

Cindy, I'm so grateful God gave you to me!  I'm yours, always...

Tales Fantastic

Stories inspire me.  I have vivid childhood memories of sitting next to my Dad on the couch as he read Toby Tyler, a story about a kid who joins the circus.  I think Toby befriends a monkey somewhere in the book.  I liked that.  I don't have many memories of my childhood (they all have seemed to fall out of my head along the way), but this one I see in bright colors.

I don't know when I was first introduced to them, but my favorite books since I was a child are The Chronicles of Narnia.  I was drawn to the fantastic, loving to read about ordinary people being thrown into extraordinary circumstances and given the chance to show courage and heroism they never knew they had.  Now my daughters have come to love these books as well, which makes me smile!

Later on I loved being enveloped in the celtic lore of Stephen R. Lawhead.  And after college, I finally dove into the finely woven world of Tolkien.  Currently, one of my favorite authors is Ted Dekker.

I sometimes look back on my own life, wishing the story were a little more like my favorite heros - having fantastic adventures and having the chance to prove myself to be someone worth knowing, someone who makes a difference.

But I'm simple.  Or at least I feel simple.

Oh, I've had a few adventures...   I spent my teenage years living in Anchorage, Alaska.  I've seen icebergs, almost ran into a moose - literally!, caught a 40 pound fish, seen the aurora borealis, and experienced my nose hairs freezing while waiting for the school bus.  I also went to college in Southern California, where I got to experience Hollywood, the L.A. Philharmonic, great weather, Disneyland (a lot), Newport Beach, and the start of my biggest adventure - getting married!

But now I'm on the edge of turning 40.  I'm analyzing who I am.  Am I who I want to be?  I've got the pen in my hand ready to write the next chapter of life, so I'm asking myself, "where do I want to go?"  Is this where the story will make a turn, allowing a lot of my "back story" to finally make sense?   I will say that I don't want this to be the part of the book where it starts to get boring.  I want to be the adventurous hero for my daughters, the dashing romantic for my wife, the witty friend, the amazing inventor.

But most importantly, am I allowing God to guide my hand as I write?

So, I guess I've got a lot to work out.  For now, I'll just focus on the next sentence of the story, instead of trying to figure out the ending.